“Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” ― Jamie Anderson
Most people think that loss and a broken heart are emotional conditions. But I’d like to disagree. The pain of a broken heart is very much physical and visceral. It can feel like a part of your body is bleeding out. And with it, it's taking all the goodness and strength that is within you.
I absolutely love how Jamie Anderson describes grief. When you are unable to love someone because of loss or fallout (especially if it is sudden), all the love in your heart for that person has no place to go. You have so much to share with this person, but you cannot give. It piles up inside of you, becomes toxic over time, and is often labeled as grief by psychologists after.
These toxins then accumulate within us, emotional and spiritual become physical, and we develop chronic conditions that have no cause and no medicine. Because it was not a physical condition to begin with. It was love. And now it's grief.
Grief is love with nowhere to go.
I have no proof of any of this, obviously, I just speak from experience. Losing someone you love is often humbling. The pain makes you perceptive. I only speak from experience.
When I first experienced grief, I was ashamed of it. Like the death of a loved one was my fault, that I caused it somehow. We often forget that grief is a part of life – just like love and loss are. It's not something to be ashamed of or something that needs to be hidden away. It's also not something you should rush through as quickly as possible. We need time to process our feelings and move forward in our lives, so taking it slow and allowing time to heal ourselves is key.
If you are experiencing grief because of love and loss, here are a few things to remember:
It's okay to be angry
It's normal to feel anger and blow up in a situation where you're grieving, but it is not okay to act on that anger by being violent or abusive. We already know from research that anger is very much a part of grief. Even if you are not experiencing it right now, be mindful and aware of your outbursts.
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Don’t judge yourself harshly and try to contain any further damage to your existing relationships. You can't control how other people react, so don't put yourself in situations where you might be at risk of hurting someone else or yourself. When you're feeling angry, go somewhere alone and walk around until the urge subsides. I personally found boxing gloves and a punching bag an incredibly viable alternative when I was grieving. It may sound extreme, but it really helped me cope with grief constructively.
It is also important to introspect. Why are you angry? Who are you angry with? Yourself? The person you loved and lost? This may help in reducing the outbursts that are unexplained and directed at someone else.
Acknowledge and accept your feelings
It’s important that you acknowledge and accept your feelings. If you feel angry, or sad, or guilty – allow yourself to feel those emotions. They’re a natural part of the grief process and should not be ignored.
However, it is also important to remember that grief is not an immediate thing: it is a process rather than a destination. You can expect many ups and downs as you move through this challenging period in your life; there will be moments when it seems like nothing has changed at all and others when every breath feels like its own battle (or vice versa). This can feel particularly vulnerable because your whole world changed, but nothing changed for anyone else.
Move your body
This one should not come as a surprise – exercise has many benefits, and we are all aware of them. Other than coping with grief, you can increase your muscle mass and tone, which will give you more energy and make you feel better.
Exercise can make your sleep better because it releases endorphins that relax the body. For people who have trouble sleeping because of grief and loss, endorphins are a fantastic way to help them drift into slumber at night.
If you're feeling lost or confused about where to go next in life after losing someone, exercise can help with that as well. A good workout boosts confidence by showing that even though things are difficult now, they will improve with time and effort on your part--even if it's just climbing a flight of stairs at work every day!
Exercise gives you a sense of control over your tumultuous life when in grief. If there is one thing we know about grief, it is that things change quickly from day to day (and sometimes hour-to-hour). Exercise helps us get through those tough times because it gives us something concrete for our minds to hold onto during chaotic times: “I'm going for a run today” versus “I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
Eat well
When you're dealing with grief, it's important to eat well. A balanced diet and plenty of water will help you stay hydrated, keep your energy up, and your hormones in check.
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Some people find that they crave certain types of food during grief, while others find that they're unable to eat anything at all. If you have trouble keeping down food, try eating small meals throughout the day instead of skipping any meals entirely; this way, your body will still get some necessary nutrition even if you aren't able to eat as much as usual.
If overeating is a problem for you during periods of high stress (which is common), avoid comfort foods like ice cream or cookies—these may make things worse by increasing stress hormones in the short term but then leaving them elevated for long periods afterward.
Don't make major decisions
You may be tempted to make major decisions in the first year after your loved one's loss. Don't do this. You are still in the process of grieving, and it is important that you focus on yourself, your family, and the loss that you have just experienced.
It is also important to avoid making life-changing decisions at this time because they can be difficult to reverse later on (and even more difficult if they affect others). For example:
- If you need to change jobs or move based on where your family lives now, wait until after you have had some time away from work and home.
- If there are other people involved with what happens next (such as children), their needs should be factored in or anyone else's when making these types of choices for yourself or for them.
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Accept offers of help
When people offer their help, be sure to accept it. If a friend asks if she can do anything for you, the answer is always yes! Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. Even if they haven't known you very long or aren't as close with you as others in your life, they may just have an idea that can make all the difference in getting through this difficult time in your life.
You also don't need to feel embarrassed about asking for professional assistance either. It's never too early or late to get professional support when dealing with grief. Many people find that having someone who understands what they're going through makes all the difference in healing and coming out stronger on the other side of their loss.
If there isn't anyone available locally who can provide that kind of support, there are online communities such as GriefShare where many find comfort knowing they are not alone in their grief journey; others prefer meeting face-to-face with peers going through similar experiences at local churches/synagogues/mosques/temples (whichever faith tradition is important to them).
In addition, there are also online therapy sessions you can attend Such as Online-Therapy.com and BetterHelp.com.
Connect with others who have gone through a similar loss
You might feel like you have to hold back your feelings and keep your grief to yourself. But it’s okay to talk about the person who has died and how much they meant to you. You can even tell people that their death has affected you so deeply—and why.
Grieving is a process, and there are many ways of coping with loss. When someone loses a loved one, they experience many different emotions, including shock, sadness, and anger. These feelings are normal when someone you care about dies or leaves a relationship that was important to both people involved in it (for example when a couple breaks up).
Talking about these kinds of issues with others who have gone through similar experiences can help them deal better with their emotions by giving them support during difficult times
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Write about your feelings
Writing is a fantastic way to understand and process your feelings. Writing forces you to put your thoughts into words, which can be immensely helpful in sorting out how you're feeling. It can also help you express what's going on inside of you. Consider writing down everything that comes to mind when someone has died or passed away, no matter how silly it seems at the time. You might find that later on, this exercise helps clarify some things for yourself.
I also recommend practicing The Artists' Way or Morning Pages by Julia Cameron. It is a wonderful way to address grief head-on instead of hiding it.
Take care of other responsibilities and commitments
It's important to keep up with your responsibilities and commitments. This may seem obvious, but it's not easy when you're in the midst of grief. Continue to live the life you have created (likely with the person you love and lost). While doing menial tasks when you are experiencing something so deep may seem ridiculous at first, remember that it is also a great way to move forward in life. Our routine helps us move through the day when it seems difficult and impossible. Stick to it.
While we navigate the complex web of emotions that grief brings into our lives, it is also important to remember that it's just love, at the end of the day. Love is where it all started. While it may be sad and painful right now, there was a lot of good in it. Let me rephrase that. There is still a lot of good in it. Just because we lose someone, does not mean that all that love just vanished. Love does not have a past or a future. It either is or isn't. And if it was, it always is. All that love and goodness still exist. All we need to do is learn to reach it and experience it in a unique way.
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FAQs
What does grief is just love with nowhere to go mean? ›
It's true what they say: Grief is love with no place to go. When you lose someone or something, you have all these feelings that no longer have a destination.
What are the five grief responses? ›Persistent, traumatic grief can cause us to cycle (sometimes quickly) through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. These stages are our attempts to process change and protect ourselves while we adapt to a new reality.
What is grief if love not pursuing? ›In the midst of a brutal tour of Wanda's memories and many losses, it is Vision who crystalizes the essence of our journey: “What is grief, if not love persevering?” To lose someone we have lost does not erase the love we have felt for them, it simply moves the object of our love out of reach.
What is the most common grief response? ›Common Grief Reactions
Emotionally, strong feelings of sadness, loneliness, fear, anxiety or resentment and anger can occur. Some people who are in mourning may feel a sense of guilt when they start to re-engage in activities and relationships, as if they are somehow betraying the person who died.
Jamie Anderson said, “Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
Can grief come out of nowhere? ›In the beginning, sudden waves of grief might last for hours or even days. As you process through the stages of grief and cope with your loss, you'll find the waves of sudden grief that once lasted days or hours now only last hours or minutes.
What are the 3 C's of grief? ›Practice the three C's
As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice.
There is no single stage of grief that is universally viewed as the hardest stage. Grief is a process that is different for everyone.
What are the three R's of grief? ›In order to help you navigate what you might be experiencing right now, I want to talk to you about the three R's to loss and grief. So the three R's are recognition, remembering and rebuilding, and I want to go through those each in turn.
What is a sweet quote about grief? ›- "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." ...
- "If tears could build a stairway,and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again." ...
- "Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow."
Is grief the final act of love? ›
Grief is love; a reluctance to let go. Grief is the final act of love we give to those who have passed. Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life's greatest sufferings. Often, the pain of loss can feel too much; an intense feeling of sadness and overwhelming sorrow.
Can grief make you fall out of love? ›Grief Can Create Physical and Emotional Disconnection
This can breed resentment and a sense of distance and loneliness. If partners don't feel well-supported by each other, they may shut down and seek support from other people in their lives.
According to Kisa Gotami, the greatest grief of life is the death of loved ones and one's inability to stop them from dying. So, instead of lamenting on it, the wise shouldn't grieve. Grief will only increase the pain and disturb the peace of mind of a person.
Why grief is the most powerful emotion? ›Grief is even more powerful, subtle, and complex. This is why it is so overwhelming. It is an amalgam of all our most powerful feelings in a distressing roiling cauldron of emotion. It is anger at the injustice, bitterness about the loss, fear for the future, regrets about the times you were less than perfect.
How long should grief last? ›It's common for the grief process to take a year or longer. A grieving person must resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it's normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years.
Is grief only for the dead? ›Grief doesn't just hit us when we experience a death. There are actually many types of losses that don't involve death at all. These include estrangement, financial or worldly losses, illness or injury, relinquishment, and institutional losses.
What did Queen say about grief and love? ›The Queen famously said: "Grief is the price we pay for love."She was addressing the bereaved families of September 11 attack victims more than two decades ago.
Is grief the price we pay for love? ›Queen Elizabeth
“The pain of grief is just as much part of life as the joy of love: it is perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment.
Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems. Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Even if you're not able to talk about your loss with others, it can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for example.
Can grief change you forever? ›Profound grief can change a person's psychology and personality forever. The initial changes that occur immediately after suffering a significant loss may go unnoticed for several weeks or months after the death of a loved one or other traumatic experience.
Why does grief get harder? ›
Grief can take everything you have, especially in the earliest days. When a crisis hits and you are already depleted, all of a sudden everything becomes more challenging. Things you could have managed before your loss feel insurmountable now.
What are the 6 R's of mourning? ›significant loss. She called her model the "Six R's":
React: Recollect & Re-experience: Relinquish: Re-adjust: Reinvest: the loss: First, people must experience their loss and understand that it has happened.
The answer is simple - anything that brings up memories of a loss that has happened to you. Sometimes, we think of obvious times of the year that such triggers will be the strongest - birthdays, Christmas, family occasions, holiday times and the like.
How do I make peace with grief? ›- Step 1: Allow the feelings. Coping with the loss of a loved one brings up almost every emotion imaginable. ...
- Step 2: Gather support. ...
- Step 3: Allow the grieving process. ...
- Step 4: Embrace life.
- The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses. ...
- There are two distinct aspects to marital partnerships.
Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely. Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss.
Which stage of grief is the shortest? ›Bargaining is usually the third stage in grieving, and it is often the shortest. During this time, a person may try to find meaning in the loss and reach out to others to discuss it.
What is grief Recovery Method? ›The Grief Recovery Method is an evidence-based, action-oriented grief program that helps people move through the pain of loss.
What is the difference between mourning grief and bereavement? ›Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief and mourning occurs. The time spent in bereavement for the loss of a loved one depends on the circumstances of the loss and the level of attachment to the person who died. Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss.
What is grief resolution? ›Grief-resolution therapy is indicated for the treatment of unresolved grief reactions that have persisted beyond one year after the loss. The method employs present-time, guided imagery whereby the patient removes obstacles to grieving through reliving, revising and revisiting events of the loss.
What are some comforting words? ›
- “We are so sorry for your loss.”
- “I'm going to miss her, too.”
- “I hope you feel surrounded by much love.”
- “Sharing in your sadness as you remember Juan.”
- “Sharing in your sadness as you remember Dan.”
- “Sending healing prayers and comforting hugs. ...
- “With deepest sympathy as you remember Robert.”
Example Sentences
He has been unable to recover from his grief at his son's death. She was overcome with grief. the joys and griefs of our lives I've had enough grief for one day.
- “Do the best you can. ...
- “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ―Theodore Roosevelt.
- 'It's never too late to be what you might've been.” ―George Eliot.
- “If you can dream it, you can do it.” ―Walt Disney.
- “Trust yourself that you can do it and get it.” ―Baz Luhrmann.
Grief can destroy a relationship when both individuals fail to take the necessary steps to work through their grief together. It can make a relationship stronger or weaker. The end result depends on the willingness of both parties to work through their grief and accept their partner's ways of coping with the loss.
What happens to your heart when you grieve? ›Grief-related stress can increase blood pressure and heart rate, raise levels of the stress hormone cortisol, constrict blood vessels, and disrupt cholesterol-filled plaques that line arteries. Any one of these changes raises the risk of heart attack, Mostofsky says.
How do you love someone who is grieving? ›- Be a good listener. ...
- Respect the person's way of grieving. ...
- Accept mood swings. ...
- Avoid giving advice. ...
- Refrain from trying to explain the loss. ...
- Help out with practical tasks. ...
- Stay connected and available. ...
- Offer words that touch the heart.
'Grief' by Elizabeth Barrett Browning tells of the necessary conditions for feeling true grief and the way it transforms one's body and soul. The poem begins with the speaker stating that those who throw up their arms and wail do not truly grieve. They are without the ability to feel true despair.
Is grief a form of love? ›Perhaps the most painful kind of love is called grief, which happens when the object of a person's love is taken away with no hope for return. Grief is love and the confusion caused by not knowing how to love someone who is gone. Grief is love's frustration, bitterness, anger, and resentment at death's destruction.
What does grief is the price of love mean? ›The depth of our grief is directly proportional to the amount of love or security we have lost. The greater the investment of love, the greater the impact of grief. Hence, the stronger the feelings of grief that we may experience.
When someone is grieving it is important to let go of? ›In time, the path of grieving must include letting go because it is the only way forward. Letting go doesn't mean we can't still love and miss that which has left our lives. There is still room for cherished memories, keepsakes, and regrets. Loss is a part of life.
What is the main message of the poem Sympathy ?'? ›
"Sympathy" was published in Dunbar's 1899 collection Lyrics of the Hearthside. The poem cleverly uses an extended metaphor of a miserable and defeated caged bird to illustrate the plight of African Americans held back by white oppression. The theme is the price of lack of freedom for the individual spirit.
What message does the poem sympathy convey to you? ›It's a poem about lack of freedom. The speaker of the poem begins by telling us that he "knows how caged bird feels," and then spends the resting of the poem describing how terrible its life is.
What does every grief in heart mean? ›Answer: It means that everylittle sadness that we may have in our heart. ( hope it will help you and sorry if it is wrong)
What type of grief is the hardest? ›- The 5 Types of Grief: What They Are and What They Feel Like, According to Experts.
- There Are 5 Stages of Grief—Here's What to Expect From Each One.
Depression is usually the longest and most difficult stage of grief.
When grief equals love? ›When Lizzie Pickering's young son Harry died 21 years ago, she set out on a journey to understand what grief is and how to live with it. In When Grief Equals Love, she shares the lessons she's learned from her own experiences and those of others, who share their thoughts in this moving and tender book.
What it means to lose a loved one? ›It's the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.
What is the value of grief? ›Grief can teach us many things. It prepares us for coming to terms with our own mortality, it brings communities and families together and can help us to mature and grow as people. It teaches us empathy and understanding so we can be more caring to others.
What a grieving person should not do? ›- Things to remember when comforting someone in grief. ...
- Bright-side statements. ...
- Talking about your own experience of loss. ...
- Unsolicited advice. ...
- Vague offers of support. ...
- Religious sentiments. ...
- Making assumptions. ...
- Judgmental statements.
- Dream Visitations. One of the most commonly described signs from the other side is a visitation from a departed loved one in the form of a dream. ...
- Familiar Sensations or Smells. ...
- Animal Messengers. ...
- Pennies and Dimes. ...
- Lost and Found Objects. ...
- Electrical Disturbances.
What are the stages of letting go? ›
They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal.